Three times Ste Hay succumbed to Brendan Brady
by mamalazzer
Summary: ... and one time Brendan succumbed right back


**Title:** Three times Ste Hay succumbed to Brendan Brady and one time Brendan succumbed right back  
><strong>Story Rating:<strong> NC-17  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Ste/Brendan  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 6205 words  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own the folk in Chester. If I did, Hollyoaks wouldn't be shown pre-watershed.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> To avoid temptation, Ste makes a resolve to ignore Brendan Brady. Unfortunately for Ste, this is easier said than done.

* * *

><p><strong>Three times Ste Hay succumbed to Brendan Brady and one time Brendan succumbed right back<strong>

If Brendan Brady were ever told the definition of 'personal space' he either a) forgot it, b) wasn't listening when it was explained to him or c) purposely chose to encroach it for his own nefarious means.

Because the concept of breathing room? It was completely lost on the man.

Whether he was going head-to-head with Warren, throwing Doug bodily into the nearest wall or flirting menacingly with Ste, the Irishman would get close to his prey, drop the tenor of his voice to a deep drawl and would twitch out a dangerous white smile from under his moustache.

He would cock his head and lean far closer than the laws of decency allowed, his breath hot on his victim's face and his predatory eyes both challenging and slightly insane at the same time.

To most people, when Brendan got that close, it was the stuff of nightmares.

To Ste Hay, however, it was more like a wet dream.

It made Ste question if all the knocks to the head Brendan had given him had permanently mangled his brain or something.

Because Ste knew Brendan was bad news.

Brendan was a homophobe. Brendan was a psychopath. Brendan was a ruthless, manipulative bully who had a penchant for breaking ribs, terrorising the population and screwing people over.

In short, Brendan was a thug.

And, unfortunately for Ste, Brendan was the thug who he was completely and utterly in love with.

In Ste's mind, there was only one way to solve this. Sadly, his friends and family weren't as convinced as he was.

" 'Ignoring him'?" Noah repeated after Ste had imparted his grand scheme, looking both doubtful and unimpressed as he crossed his arms. "That's the big plan? Close your eyes and hope he goes away?"

"Oi, it's a dead good plan, is that," Ste retorted defensively at the dry look on Noah's face. "Besides, what else can I do, eh?"

"Oh, I don't know, Ste," Noah said huffily, his voice sarcastic, "how about you just tell him to leave you alone? That is, of course, unless you don't want him to."

"Of course I do," Ste lied, amazed at how easily it rolled off his tongue. "I already told you, didn't I? Me and Brendan are over. End of discussion. It don't matter how many times he comes chasing, yeah, I'm not going to fall for it. You believe me, don't you?"

Noah looked a little doubtful after Ste's impassioned declaration but, after a few seconds of unconvinced face twitching, he let out a deep sigh, grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders and said with conviction:

"I believe you, Ste."

Unfortunately for him, he really, _really_ shouldn't have.

The first time Ste broke his promise, it had started after an innocent encounter in _Relish._

He had just placed his order ("Atomic burger and curly fries, please") and had proceeded to rummage through his pockets for loose change (three pounds, twenty-three pence and what looked suspiciously like a ruble) when his good mood was ruined by a hand slapping down on the counter beside him with a crisp twenty pound note trapped underneath it.

An awfully _familiar_ hand.

A hand so awfully familiar in fact that, up until recently, it had been awfully familiar with Ste and all parts of his anatomy.

"Allow me," an Irish brogue practically purred into the back of Ste's neck as bristles of a moustache brushed against the shell of Ste's ear.

The heady scent of spice and danger permeated the air and Ste did his best not to shiver at the sudden - _intoxicating_ - warmth radiating against his back.

"... I-I can pay for meself," Ste said, attempting to sound indifferent.

He couldn't see Brendan's amused grin behind him but Ste knew it was there. He could _feel_that it was there. It made him want to turn around so their faces were inches apart. It also made him want to bolt out of the building and run as far away from this situation as he possibly could.

"Oh, but I _insist_," Brendan charmed, his voice like liquid velvet as he picked the note up, folded it between his fingers and tucked it into the front of Ste's t-shirt. His rough fingers lingered on Ste's chest a moment longer than necessary before he withdrew his hand, his fingertips brushing a flushed collarbone on their way out.

It made Ste's mouth suddenly feel very dry.

"Er..." he said rather stupidly. Swallowing hard, he coughed and tried to string a relatively coherent sentence together. "I mean... um, ta."

Ste could hear a deep inhale from behind him and realised with mild hysteria that Brendan was _sniffing_ him.

"You're welcome, Stephen," Brendan returned in a voice that Ste told himself didn't sound like pure sex.

Even he didn't believe it.

"Atomic burger and fries?" the teenaged girl behind the counter yawned out as she held out a flimsy paper bag.

Grateful for the interruption, Ste threw down his change and turned to sprint towards the door but Brendan was faster, lithely side-stepping in front of him. He looked casual today, wearing his leather jacket over a white t-shirt and jeans and Ste hated himself for running his eyes over his form appreciatively.

Brendan had obviously noticed his interest because he was smiling that slow, knowing smile of his, his eyes twinkling.

"Right," Ste coughed, taking a step back and trying to get some semblance of control over this situation, "well, I really have to get going, me. Got to go to the shops, don't I? Have to buy Leah her cereal. She gets dead moody when we don't get her cereal. And Lucas, yeah, he starts bawling when she gets like that so I really should just-"

_"Stephen."_

How his own name filled such dread and excitement in him, Ste would never know. As if following orders, he snapped shut his prattling mouth and gulped at the hungry intensity in Brendan's eye. When Brendan looked at him like that, like he was the only other person in the world, everything else around him completely melted away.

Ste wet his lips again. With a thrill, he noticed Brendan was eyeing his tongue hungrily.

"Chez Chez," Brendan finally spoke, his voice strained and rougher than usual. "One hour."

"... why?" Ste asked faintly, knowing the answer.

Brendan leaned forward and dropped his voice down to a whisper, his breath hot against Ste's mouth.

"You know why," he returned in a slow, low singsong voice.

**_"I believe you, Ste."_**

Ste took a shaky step back.

"I-I'm with Noah now."

"... ah yes," Brendan said, twitching out an abrupt smile as an angry flash of jealousy came and went from his eyes. His hand fidgeted as though it wanted to grab Ste but Brendan seemed to stop himself at the last minute and chewed on the tip of his finger instead. "The _noble_" he rolled it around in his mouth like it was an insult "Noah. But..." he pointed at Ste and prowled closer, sizing him up like a jungle cat ready for the kill "... you can't tell me he does for you what I do."

"He doesn't kick me head in, if that's what you're getting at," Ste said, starting to feel tetchy as he tried to make his way by him. "I 'ave to go."

The hand that came out and grabbed his arm was fast and firm and Ste could feel Brendan's fingernails digging into him.

"I said yeh're needed at the club," Brendan said with such a degree of force in his tone that Ste felt almost afraid.

"I said no, Brendan," Ste returned, standing his ground and flicking his eyes worriedly between Brendan and the girl at the till, who was now beginning to look at them suspiciously. "Now let go."

After what felt like an hour, Brendan finally released his grip. He then began to fiddle with Ste's sleeve, using his fingers to iron out the wrinkles he had caused.

"Okay, that's okay," Brendan said soothingly, sounding as though he was convincing himself more than Ste. He then quirked out a smile that looked almost demented. "No harm done. Another time then. Good? Good."

And then he walked out.

Ste shivered as he watched him go, both want and fear coursing through his veins. It was always like this with Brendan. Affection and brutality rolled into one until the lines began to blur and Ste was left trying to fathom which one was which.

Swallowing hard, Ste let out a shaky breath, held his bag of food a little tighter and decided to make his way back to Noah's.

He had only made it three steps out of _Relish,_ however, before he was grabbed and thrown bodily into the nearest alley.

The wind was knocked out of him as his back thudded into the wall, making him yelp with surprise and drop the bag of food by his feet. The back of his head collided with the brick and, hissing with pain, Ste saw stars explode in front of his eyes. He groaned, feeling disoriented and fleetingly wondered if he was being robbed.

That is, of course, until he felt a pair of hands frenziedly undoing the knot on the string of his tracksuit bottoms. And then Ste knew exactly what was going on.

'Bren-" Ste had opened his mouth to protest but Brendan's mouth crashed with ferocity over his and devoured his words, his feet kicking Ste's ankles apart and his hand snaking into Ste's boxers like he owned him.

Biting his lip, Ste reminded himself that he should not have thought this was hot. This should have been assault.

He should have told Brendan to get off. He should have told him to leave him alone. He should have reminded him he had a boyfriend he was happy with and wanted to stay true to.

Ste should have done a lot of things really. But all he managed to muster was a breathy "Oh god," before he opened his legs wider and kissed Brendan fiercely back.

In hindsight, Ste should have realised something was different. Here they were - Brendan's hand working hard and fast and Ste's head thrashing erratically from side to side - in the middle of an alley where anyone could have seen them.

Myra McQueen may have been passing by with baby Angel. Cheryl might have been on her way to her weekly _Cinergy_ appointment. Even Warren could have turned into the backstreets to do one of his dodgy deals.

The tiny part of Ste's brain that was still working vaguely considered how out of character this was for Brendan but he didn't have the presence of mind to dwell any longer on this. With one last shudder, he collapsed limply into Brendan and buried his face into his neck, a muffled, keening noise escaping his lips and racking through his body.

For a minute afterwards, all Ste could hear were hard breaths, racing heartbeats and the pounding of his eardrums. His limbs were heavy and tingling, his legs felt ready to collapse beneath him at any given moment and his trousers were, to put it frankly, a hot wet mess.

It was just when his breathing was getting back to normal and his nostrils were burning from the smell of sex around him that Brendan's sticky hand cradled his jaw, hard. Ste's brain was sluggish and slow but he could just about decipher the dangerous growl that suddenly breathed into his ear.

"Never forget who owns you, young Stephen," it said. And then Brendan's solid frame was gone, leaving a boneless Ste to crumple down the wall behind him, his food cold and untouched by his side.

* * *

><p>The second time it happened, it had been a Saturday night and Ste had been serving a group of teenaged girls at a bouncing <em>Chez Chez.<em>

Barely legal, they had congregated around his side of the bar and flirted animatedly with both him and Rhys, shooting suggestive looks as they sucked on their drinks and giggled at most anything either of them said. The attention made both men puff out their chests and grin a little smugly at each other. Ste may have been seeing a man (two, on occasion) but he had always been partial to an ego boost from a pretty face.

"Reckon you're in there, mate," Rhys had muttered to him halfway through the evening, nodding his head none too subtly towards the pretty blonde who had been making eyes at Ste all night. Ste locked eyes with her briefly before she blushed and looked away, her friends tittering at the interaction.

Shrugging, Ste grabbed a bottle of tequila by the neck and continued to make her drink.

"Yeah but I'm taken, in't I?" he replied to Rhys, pouring a generous amount of alcohol into his cocktail shaker before shaking it thoroughly. "And you best quit flirting before Jacqui catches wind and batters ya."

"Oi, it's just harmless fun," Rhys returned defensively.

"What's harmless fun?" Jacqui McQueen's no-nonsense voice questioned as she clicked over in her heels, her kohled-eyes looking suspicious.

Laughing under his breath as Rhys stammered out a weak excuse, Ste poured the cocktail he had concocted into a martini glass and slid it towards his customer.

"Right, that's £4.50 please."

"Thanks," the blonde girl said with a smile, her face a little pink as she handed him a five pound note. Ste couldn't help but find it sort of endearing. She reminded him of Theresa McQueen.

"Ta," he said, opening the till, depositing the note and taking out her change.

"Oh, no, keep it!" she insisted. "I mean, as a tip. The drink... I mean, it's really good! Best margarita ever!"

Ste looked at the untouched drink by her hand and tried not to smile.

"Really?" he said a little teasingly. " 'Cos, from here, it looks like you haven't even tried it yet."

"Oh, I can just tell!" she insisted, a little more confident as she looked him square in the eye for a few moments. She then dropped her gaze to her fiddling fingers as they ran up the stem of her cocktail glass. She purposely tried to ignore her watching friends. "So, um... have you worked here long?"

"Day it opened actually..." Ste replied, stopping himself from reaching up to touch the nose he could still feel smarting from that day Brendan punched it. It was funny how different things were now. It was sad how similar they were. "Anyway," Ste said, shaking himself out of his reverie to give her a friendly smile, "can I get you anything else?"

"Um," she looked behind her at her friends, who were egging her on, before turning to Ste again, her face beet red and her hands shaking so much she spilled a little of her drink. "Can I... er, can I get your number?"

Ste couldn't help it. He smiled broadly, flattered. He then reached over to grab a napkin to wipe up the mess on the table. He had barely got his fingers around it, however, when that familiar hand clasped hard over his wrist.

_"Stephen."_

Ste didn't know how long Brendan had been standing there, skulking in the shadows behind him, but he had a gut feeling his boss had been watching their exchange for a good while. Their eyes locked and the dark look that met Ste was positively alarming.

"I need to see you in my office," Brendan said, his voice short and clipped as his fingernails dug into Ste's wrist. A tight smile was tugging at his corner of lips as his eyes glimmered menacingly at Ste in the low light. "Choppity chop. There's a good lad."

"Maybe we'll talk later?" the girl asked hopefully and Ste prayed for her to stop talking.

Brendan let out a short, gruff laugh at her words and Ste tried not to wince as the nails dug deeper into his flesh.

"No offense, love, but I pay him to work, not chase skirt. Stephen," Brendan threw aside Ste's wrist as abruptly as he had grabbed it before lifting his finger and pointing it across the bar. "My office. _Now_."

Were this an ordinary situation, Ste would have glared or maybe let out an insolent sigh of injustice at Brendan's tone. However, there was such a tangible air of danger about him today that Ste knew it was best not to push him.

So, briefly smiling at the wary-looking girl, he ducked his head and made his way to the office.

He had barely stepped a scuffed shoe into the room when the door slammed shut behind him and he was thrown up against it.

"What was all that about?" Brendan demanded with a sneer, his hands fisted so tightly in Ste's t-shirt that the material was audibly straining. Staring back at the wild-eyed gaze in surprise, Ste briefly worried about Brendan's sanity.

"What was all what about?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Don't get smart with me, Stephen," Brendan warned before he stepped closer, his voice dropping to a soft, accusatory tone. "You trying to make me jealous? _Are yeh?"_

Ste, who honestly hadn't been, found himself feeling decidedly irked at have to explain himself when they weren't even together.

He looked Brendan defiantly in the eye, his breathing shallow.

"Not that I have to explain meself," Ste said almost snottily, "but we were just having a laugh."

"A laugh? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was a laugh!" Brendan repeated with a mock-apologetic tone, throwing in a dry little laugh of his own. It made a horrible, empty sort of sound. "Oh yes, my sides," he paused to bare his teeth, "are splitting."

"It's none of your business who I talk to," Ste returned stubbornly.

All pretense of amusement left Brendan's face.

"I'd watch that tone of yours, young Stephen," he murmured dangerously.

"Or what?" Ste challenged, his frustration building up to such a degree that, to the surprise of them both, he lashed out and pushed hard at Brendan's chest. "You'll hit me again? It's what you want to do, innit? Beat me up? Hurt me? Well, go on then! Hit me! Hit-"

Brendan's fist slammed out and Ste squeezed shut his eyes, ready for the impact.

But it never came.

Instead, Brendan's knuckles hit hard against the wall by Ste's head, making a sickening crunch of a noise that made Ste snap open his eyes.

Without even flinching at the pain in his hand, Brendan panted heavily, his breath hot and erratic on Ste's face and his bulging eyes looking absolutely manic.

He looked like a madman.

Ste was both terrified and turned on at the same time.

"What did I tell you," Brendan growled out breathlessly, barely in control, "about who you belong to, Stephen?"

Ste swallowed hard. Even now, his entire body yearned for Brendan.

"I belong to Noah," he made himself lie.

With a movement so fast that Ste didn't even think it was possible, Ste's wrists found themselves pinned to the wall, Brendan's rough fingertips hot and firm against his racing pulse. Gulping as he felt teeth graze the side of his neck, Ste momentarily wondered if Brendan was about to tear his throat out. "You can lie to yourself all you want to, Stevie boy," Brendan breathed into his skin, nipping just under his chin, "and you can sleep with that boyfriend of yours every chance you get but never forget that you'll come back to me. You always come back to me."

"I... I won't " Ste stammered weakly, not daring to shake his head, just in case a canine sliced his throat.

He felt a wet, seductive mouth suck on his Adam's apple. It made him groan in spite of himself.

"Wontcha?" Brendan purred, his self-satisfied tone hinting he already knew the answer.

_No, I won't_, Ste wanted to say emphatically. He wanted to push Brendan away. He wanted to storm out of the office and never look back. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be faithful. But, most of all, he wanted to believe that he still had the ability to resist Brendan and his games.

But Ste knew it was fruitless. With the length of Brendan's body pressed against his and Brendan's eyes looking at him like he was a meal to be eaten, Ste knew it was no good pretending he was immune to him.

Ste was a fool in love and, like most fools when put in a situation charged with temptation, he did the one thing one that he really, really shouldn't have done - give in.

"Good boy..." Ste heard from above him as he let himself be pushed to his knees. He could hear the smirk in Brendan's voice as he undid his belt and placed an almost gentle, guiding hand in Ste's hair. _"That's my good boy."_

* * *

><p>The last time Ste broke his promise, Ste had gone over to Brendan's to try and ensure that he never broke it again.<p>

It had been the Saturday after the incident in the office and, for Ste and his guilty conscience, the past week had been absolute torture.

For the last seven days, Noah had taken him out for dinner, lavished attention on him and had even gone as far as to make an effort with the kids.

He had trained Ste for the gym, told him amusing anecdotes as they washed the dishes after dinner and had held him tightly when they were together in bed, whispering urgent love declarations in his ear and telling him how amazing he was.

He had been sweet. He had been considerate. He had been far better than Ste had ever deserved.

And it was making Ste sick to his stomach with guilt.

Which is how he had ended up here at his boss's door, wringing his hands nervously as Brendan coolly let him into his house. The latter man then surveyed him with slight amusement.

"Ah, Stephen," he drawled as he held the door open with a finger, "to what do I owe this honour?"

Brendan was leering unashamedly as Ste squeezed by him to enter, the front of his body pressing none too subtly against Ste's backside as he passed. Ste tried to tell himself it was an accident but he knew even he wasn't that dense.

He waited until Brendan shut the door with a soft snick before turning around and blurting out,

"Look, I can't hack this anymore, me. I can't keep lying to Noah, can I? So, that time in the office? It was the last time. Just a one-off. So... so just keep away from me, yeah? I'm not interested."

"Oh? Is that right?" Brendan asked lightly. He was wearing the black v-neck today, his cross shining enticingly from its usual place against his chest. It made Ste squirm and wonder which pit of hell he was going to be thrown into for getting aroused by a crucifix.

"We... we have to stop doing this," Ste stuttered, trying to avert his eyes but finding it impossible to look away from Brendan. "This ain't right, is it? Noah... he deserves better."

Brendan stood there quietly for a moment, his head cocked with a strange little smile twitching on his lips.

Ste found it amazingly frustrating how little he could read him. He had thought Brendan would anger at his words but at that moment he looked more like he was about to laugh.

"Stephen, Stephen, Stephen..." he sighed mockingly, stepping forward and Ste involuntarily shivered at how good his name sounded when Brendan was the one uttering it. "This little act of yours?" Brendan said, pointing between them. "Not fooling anyone."

Ste swallowed the lump in his throat that always seemed to appear when Brendan was in the vicinity as he backed up.

"... Oi now, stay back, I've made me decision. Brendan, I mean it!"

But Brendan didn't stop moving forward and before Ste knew it, the backs of his legs hit the front of Cheryl's sofa and he fell backwards onto it with an "oomph!".

Looking down at him, Brendan quirked his head.

"That's convenient," he said before pouncing on him.

Ste let out an embarrassing squawk of a noise as Brendan's moustache nuzzled into the warmth of his neck. It tickled Ste's throat and made him want to both yelp and laugh at the same time.

"Brendan!" he tried again, uselessly flailing so he could dislodge the other man. He was trying his hardest not to laugh but he knew it was fruitless. "I mean it, geroff!"

Brendan snuffled further into his throat and Ste howled with laughter, too weak to throw off the body pinning him in place. Tears streaked down his face and Brendan idly flicked at an errant drop on his cheekbone, his eyes twinkling.

They were kissing before Ste even realised his mouth had run away from him, his hands cradling Brendan's jaw as his palms rubbed against his rough stubble. Ste's legs automatically found themselves wrapping around Brendan's as he arched into him, the friction between their bodies making him feel wanton and light-headed. His mouth fell open as he crashed his hips almost frenziedly into Brendan's, causing the Irishman to let out a chuckle against his mouth.

"Whoa there, easy now, boy," he murmured but his easy tone sounded less so when accompanied by the hungry, charged gleam in his eye. He slowly licked his tongue over the seam of Ste's lips and Ste shivered in anticipation as their eyes locked.

It was pure heat.

_**I believe you, Ste.**_

Even in his head, Noah's words sounded far away, like a whisper from another lifetime ago.

_**I trust you, Ste.**_

Ste turned his head to the side, squeezing shut his eyes as Brendan latched his mouth onto an earlobe and sucked. Lifting his hand, Ste combed it through the back of Brendan's head and pulled him closer, trying to ignore the voices in his head.

_**I love you, Ste.**_

"Oh... this is well wrong, this is..." Ste groaned, his breathing hitching as Brendan licked down his neck so voraciously that his moustasche burned Ste's skin raw.

"Stephen, stop talking," Brendan snapped from where he was mouthing at Ste's clavicle.

Ste just moaned louder at this as he clutched at Brendan and wiggled against his hard body.

"Seriously though, I'm going straight to hell, me... This just isn't right, is it?" Ste continued to babble, causing Brendan to groan, lift up his head and press a finger firmly to Ste's swollen lips.

"Shhhhhhhhhh," he said, trying again.

"Yeah, but-"

But Ste was categorically shut up by Brendan leaning forward and plunging his tongue in his mouth before he had a chance to say another word.

Eventually melting into the kiss, Ste squeezed shut his eyes and reveled in the familiar taste of Brendan, hating himself but not quite enough to stop.

He felt Brendan's fingers on his belt buckle and didn't even pretend to protest or act like he wanted to stop this from happening. It was inevitable. It was unavoidable. He and Brendan both knew there was no stopping it.

And then something happened that shocked Brendan just as much as it did Ste.

One minute they were grinding into each other and moaning into each others' mouths, the next three words reverberated through the air and hung heavy between them, like a resounding - deafening - echo.

Ste stared, stock still, his eyes comically wide and his mouth hanging open as he gawped at Brendan.

Because Brendan was the one who had just spoken.

"Did you just-?"

But Brendan had already jumped to his feet, looking agitated and furious.

"Get out," he demanded.

But Ste couldn't bring himself to move as he lay there, his muscles appearing to have lost all prior knowledge of movement.

"You just said you lov-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" Brendan hollered, spit flying everywhere and Ste's mind was suddenly transported to their first kiss, in this very location, and how it had ended with Ste, once again, being thrown out.

Ste clenched his jaw, his face resolute. He wasn't that spooked kid anymore.

"No," he said stubbornly and Brendan wheeled around to grab him roughly by the collar.

"No?" Brendan repeated, lunging his head towards Ste. His eyes were wild and his grip was strong enough to bruise but somehow Ste didn't flinch. He wasn't afraid.

"You love me," Ste said candidly.

"Don't," Brendan warned, his voice gruff and angry and unsteady.

"You love me." Ste repeated with candor but Brendan only shook his head in response.

"Shut up," Brendan demanded but his resolve seemed to be weakening, his hands clenching and unclenching on Ste's collar. His eyes looked less angry and more desperate. "Please," he choked, sounding strangled, "just stop talking."

The self loathing in his tone was so tangible that it literally winded Ste to hear it.

Feeling bold, Ste reached up to cradle Brendan's face in his hands. Like a spooked horse, Brendan instinctively tried to rear back to shrug him off but Ste held on tight, his hands soft but firm. Brendan's eyes locked with his and a strange sort of unspoken understanding passed between them that made Brendan stop struggling against him.

Their foreheads touched as they stood there, Brendan's breathing laboured as Ste stroked his jaw soothingly and tried to calm him down.

This is what they were. These two forces, unable to break away from each other. No one would ever understand this bond - this connection - they had. Ste hardly understood it himself.

They were silent for a few minutes until Ste eventually broke the quiet, his voice soft and a little wary.

"I love you too, you know," Ste said and he could feel Brendan's cheek twitch under his fingers at the word 'love'. Swallowing hard, he barrelled on. "But you already know that, dun't ya?"

A hum began at the back of Brendan's throat, as though he was debating what next to say.

"I ain't no queer," Brendan eventually mumbled out but even this wasn't said with the venom and insistence it was usually said with. He was going through the motions. Ste supposed that was all he had left, clinging onto an illusion that he could never have. An illusion he desperately wanted to want.

Ste found it sort of sad to witness.

Shifting closer, he was heartened by the fact Brendan's hands found his sides, clinging to them with a sort of tender possessiveness he could never bring himself to articulate aloud.

He bumped his nose against Ste's and let out a heavy, pained sigh, his fingertips tightening on Ste's hipbones. Ste kissed the tip of his nose softly in reassurance. It made Brendan let out a chuff of a noise. Ste wasn't sure it it was a laugh or a sob.

What he was sure of was the kiss afterwards, soft then intense, and Brendan's hands, almost worshipful as they pulled off Ste's shirt. Ste shivered as Brendan's fingers ghosted across his skin, burning their touch into his flesh. It felt electric and Ste found himself nodding dazedly at the unspoken question hovering in the air between them.

He felt Brendan's hand slip into his and Ste let himself be pulled by the hand to the bedroom, suddenly feeling like he did their very first time when he was just a shy, inexperienced bag of nerves.

But this was completely unlike that time.

Brendan had been strong and forceful and consumed with want back then. He had taken what he wanted and though Ste had enjoyed every second, it had been purely self indulgent and pretty one sided.

This, on the other hand, felt like a partnership.

Ste clung tight when Brendan eased into him, their breaths hitching and their fingers entwined so tightly that they seemed incapable of being pulled apart. Their eyes locked as they moved in tandem, fighting to keep them open, unwilling to break the wordless connection.

It was quiet. It was intense. It had felt like a new beginning. But, most importantly, it felt like love.

Afterwards Ste let himself lie contentedly in Brendan's arms, which were wrapped so tightly around him it was as though Brendan feared he would be taken from him at any given moment.

The silence was comfortable as they curled up into each other, too exhausted to move and too overwhelmed to want to. Ste could feel Brendan's fingers comb through his damp hair and he closed his eyes, feeling a great sense of peace wash over him.

He was on the brink of sleep when Brendan's voice suddenly broke the quiet.

"I'm never going to be the good guy, Stephen."

Ste blinked blearily up at him from where his head had been resting on Brendan's chest.

"You what?" he asked drowsily, trying to work out exactly where this was going but Brendan was busy staring at the ceiling above them, wearing his best poker face.

"And I don't do hand holding and romantic gestures," Brendan continued, looking at a crack in the plaster. "That shite ain't me, got it?"

Ste blinked, confused.

"Okay..." he repeated, wondering if the post-sex haze had addled Brendan's brain or something.

"Okay," Brendan repeated after him, his voice like sandpaper. "Glad we understand each other." He then reached over to the bedside table, pulled out a stick of gum and began to chew on it a little more violently than usual.

Ste watched him a little warily, sure he had missed something important.

And then it suddenly clicked in his head.

"Brendan..." he said breathlessly, not daring to believe it, "are you saying you want to be with me?"

"I'm with you now, aren't I?" Brendan chewed with a bite of resentment, as though this was something beyond his control. Ste had to admit that that had smarted quite a bit but he supposed it was a compliment, especially coming from someone like Brendan.

"Right..." Ste said, still in a mild form of shock, "So... a proper relationship, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure," Brendan said, not sounding sure at all. From the bedside lamp to one of Ste's discarded socks, Brendan's eyes looked everywhere but at Ste. "Cheryl knows, Foxy knows..." His jaw tightened as he let in a big sniff. " 'can't change that."

"Really?" Ste asked again, his voice beyond hopeful as he clung to Brendan's arm. Brendan, who had been looking agitated and unsure, looked down at the hand on his arm. His eyes softened by a fraction.

"Yeah," he said thickly. To Ste's surprise he sounded like he meant it. "Yeah, really."

Ste stared into space for a second, letting it digest in his head. He then turned to Brendan, picked up his pillow and smacked him square on the arm with it.

"Hey!" Brendan cried out in surprise, grabbing his wounded bicep. "What the- What'dya think you're playing at?"

"Two years that took!" Ste exclaimed before jumping on top of him and thwapping him with the pillow again, this time hard on the chest. Feathers exploded and rained around them. "I was going grey here, me!"

"Oi! Pack it in, you eejit!" Brendan demanded, spitting out a feather before grabbing Ste by the wrists. When this didn't work to stop his struggles, Brendan flipped their positions so he was sitting on top of him. Ste bucked and struggled a little but soon let himself be held against the pillows, breathless and beaming.

They stared at each other for a moment, drinking the other in, the feathers of the mangled pillow slowly falling on their entwined bodies. Ste could see the affection, the fear and a tiny hint of the darkness that sometimes consumed Brendan in his intense eyes. But more than anything else, he could see hope.

Ste wet his lips, suddenly serious.

"If you ever hit me again, I'm gone," he said without hesitation.

Brendan didn't wince but Ste could see a brief flash of something in his gaze as he averted his gaze. It had looked uncannily like shame.

"I won't," he mumbled, eyes darting uneasily around the room. His gruff voice, however, was earnest as his thumbs instinctively stroked Ste's palms. "I won't."

Ste nodded.

"Good," he said firmly before reaching up to pull a stray feather out of Brendan's hair. Brendan's lips casually nipped at his wrist as he did and it made Ste grin as he realised something.

He was, unequivocally, a complete and utter fool for Brendan Brady. But, as Brendan leaned over and devoured his mouth with spine-tingling expertise, Ste had an inkling that the feeling was entirely mutual.

_Finis_


End file.
